Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Noel Gallagher: Wankerboy

This just in from DV Staff Writer Bruce Rusk (who's going to get his own account any moment now so I don't have to keep posting these for him):


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Professional foot-in-mouth-head-up-ass practitioner and sometime Oasis frontman Noel Gallagher has launched his semi-annual "Hey! No one's paying attention to me so I'm going to dis an artist who is still relevant" press brief.

It seems Noel is very upset that Jay-Z was selected as the Saturday headliner for the annual Glastonbury Music Festival.

The alleged musician said it was "wrong" to have hip-hop at the event which is traditionally the domain of indie rock bands.

"Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music." Uh huh. Indie bands... playing guitars... hmmm. So in other words, white guys. Sure Noel, instead of the most successful and popular hip-hop artist of the day, let's prop up a dozen interchangeable, cookie-cutter four-piece white guy emo-rock Beatle poseurs with their mod hair-dos and acoustic guitars playing the same damn indie-rock rehash for 12 hours.

But Noel, didn't you hear the Neil Diamond is headlining on Sunday? Where's the hue and cry against the inclusion of aging white crooners?

Coincidentally, Noel is also performing at Glastonbury. But unlike Jay-Z, he wasn't invited. He had NME.com contact the festival organizer and ask them if he could perform.

So, to recap, Jay-Z was invited, wankerboy begged to be included.

At least he didn't call Jay-Z a nappy headed ho.

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